Toilet Paper Astounds Me

So before I begin this post, I should warn you that the inspiration for this came to me in the restroom, so to quote the New York Post movie reviews, there may be "references to scatological humor." Consider yourself warned.

So no shit, there I was*, without any reading material. Fortunately, maintenance sees fit to stock my bathroom with enough toilet paper to recopy most of Tolstoy's works onto, in case I had the urge or the time**.

*Haha
** While I was writing this, they actually added one roll to my supply. Yep. Needed that one.

Apparently how much TP I'm expected to use in a day.

 I've been told that toilet paper is a sheet-spinning read, so I picked up a roll. Well, it was a pretty quick read, but there was a surprise ending.  

Would ya look at that! Safe for septic systems!

Who would have thought! It's safe for septic systems! Shoot, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. I could've just flushed it! But really, of course it's safe for septic systems (right?). What's the alternative? And what happens if you flush toilet paper that is not safe for septic systems?

Next time, use Downy!

But because they say "safe for septic systems" on the wrapper, I suspect that there are alternate uses for the stuff, and that septic systems are just one of the many things you might be able to use it for.

Sterile for most urgent first-aid purposes!

Acid-free for all masterpieces of the written word!

Guaranteed to preserve your body for the afterlife!

It will still annoy your neighbors!

If you have any other uses for toilet paper, feel free to suggest additional photos, and I'll see if I can add them in. What else am I supposed to do with it, flush it? Gosh, no. Way to valuable for that.

Now that classes have started again for me (for those of you who don't know me, I'm still a college student), posting may decrease a tiny bit. But fingers crossed not. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Tell your friends, and use that toilet paper to the maximum of its potential.