Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Tattoos to Make You Rich

I don't want to brag too much*, but the reason I'm not a millionaire is because I don't want to be. Really, I have these brilliant ideas all the time that could make fortunes*, but I rarely act on them. Mostly it's because I feel that my thought-inventions are just too far ahead of the time.The last time that I tried to introduce one of my ideas into the culinary world proved that I really am too far ahead of everyone to be successful. Blueberry Hamburgers will have their day yet, mark my words. 
*This is a blatant lie. 

Anyway, I'd like to share an idea with you, you brilliant-invention-stealer you, so that you can make your fortune. So here's the problem my invention solves: You want a tattoo, but are afraid that in more formal situations, it might reflect poorly on you. The real issue here is that it is difficult to be taken seriously when you have something that essentially says "Born to party/Born an Idiot" in plain view*.

*The real issue for me is that it's difficult to be taken seriously after anyone sees this blog. Not that I ever want to be taken seriously though, so it's ok.

For example...
It just so happened that a car with a flame job was outside the tattoo parlor, and I thought to myself "If flame jobs make cars cooler, they can probably do the same to people!" Please don't have any doubts about hiring me.
Is that what the Pen 15 club means? I was under the impression that this was my initiation fee for a club in which I would receive 15 free pens every month...
"I certainly think I'd be good for this firm. As you can see, my commitment to the survival of the panda bear is something I feel very strongly about. Of course this isn't mickey mouse." 

It's true, I went through a more extreme pirate phase than most people, but don't worry.  This rogue's raping and pillaging days are over for good.

Clearly, you wouldn't want to have much to do with anyone who is displaying any of these birthday-suit stains while the sun is shining, but chances are good you'd want to party with them for a bit. So get your notepads ready, entrepreneurs, here's the idea: black-light tattoos. 

That's right. A tattoo that only comes out under black-lights. This would easily make you the coolest person at any black-light party, or potentially in some bowling alleys at certain times. And what's more, you would never need to bother hiding it in public, because any time there are black-lights around, chances are good that it's socially acceptable to have a tattoo.You could look like mild-mannered Clark Kent by day and hard-rocking Gene Simmons by night, and your boss would never know. 

So please, if you have the know-how, go ahead and invent this. And if you have any ideas for great things to get black-light tattoos of, leave them as a comment.

By the way, many of you have come up to me and complimented me on my blog. Let it be known that comments like that make my day. Let me know what thoughts you have, and if you can, become a follower. It means a lot to me to know that I'm not the only one laughing at this, even if I'm the one laughing the most.

1 comment:

  1. So wait...the funny part is supposed to be the suit-jacket, right??

    Also, I officially cannot read your blog in law school classes because of the laughing.