Light vs Dark, or, Why Mankind Should Not be Allowed to Make Decisions

As a race, we are fundamentally incapable of making up our minds. You've probably noticed this about yourself at some time. I know I feel this way every time I stand in front of a vending machine, which is why I always try to push every button at once and hope that the first button I press is something I like (this rarely happens. Normally it's something gross, like Milk Duds).

I was struck by the indecision characteristic to our entire species when my little brother pulled the shades down the other night.

See, I live in a city. At some point, people decided it was a problem that night was dark. Obviously, it would be better if everyone could see things at night, so they put a whole bunch of streetlights in, and then everything could be bright all the time! Problem solved!

But then, people (probably the very same people) realised that it was harder to sleep when it was bright out all the time, so they put shades in their room, meant to keep the bright light that they made outside stay there, and not sneak its way inside where it isn't always wanted. Second problem solved!

At this point, it didn't seem too ridiculous to me. Then I realised that this continues. Some people, inside their shade-darkened rooms, walk around at night, and don't like stepping on things. So, the nightlight gets invented! But heaven forbid that the nightlight be too bright! They put covers on the nightlight to stop it from shining too much! Of course they did! An uncovered nightlight would be too bright, thus making the shades useless, which were put up to keep the light from outside (which were put there because the general consensus was that it was too dark outside) from making things inside bright! DAH!

Which brings me to my point, namely that as a species, we should constrain our decision making to trivial matters (e.g. Do I want Vienna Fingers or a Snickers bar?), and leave the important decisions (anything that could possibly affect anyone/thing else, ever) to a species better suited for decision making. Maybe dolphins. 

Toilet Paper Astounds Me

So before I begin this post, I should warn you that the inspiration for this came to me in the restroom, so to quote the New York Post movie reviews, there may be "references to scatological humor." Consider yourself warned.

So no shit, there I was*, without any reading material. Fortunately, maintenance sees fit to stock my bathroom with enough toilet paper to recopy most of Tolstoy's works onto, in case I had the urge or the time**.

*Haha
** While I was writing this, they actually added one roll to my supply. Yep. Needed that one.

Apparently how much TP I'm expected to use in a day.

 I've been told that toilet paper is a sheet-spinning read, so I picked up a roll. Well, it was a pretty quick read, but there was a surprise ending.  

Would ya look at that! Safe for septic systems!

Who would have thought! It's safe for septic systems! Shoot, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. I could've just flushed it! But really, of course it's safe for septic systems (right?). What's the alternative? And what happens if you flush toilet paper that is not safe for septic systems?

Next time, use Downy!

But because they say "safe for septic systems" on the wrapper, I suspect that there are alternate uses for the stuff, and that septic systems are just one of the many things you might be able to use it for.

Sterile for most urgent first-aid purposes!

Acid-free for all masterpieces of the written word!

Guaranteed to preserve your body for the afterlife!

It will still annoy your neighbors!

If you have any other uses for toilet paper, feel free to suggest additional photos, and I'll see if I can add them in. What else am I supposed to do with it, flush it? Gosh, no. Way to valuable for that.

Now that classes have started again for me (for those of you who don't know me, I'm still a college student), posting may decrease a tiny bit. But fingers crossed not. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Tell your friends, and use that toilet paper to the maximum of its potential.

Cover Page

Madness is one of those themes that pops up in literature fairly often, and with good reason. The title of this blog is a reference to two short stories: Gogol’s Diary of a Madman and Liu Xun’s story of the same title. What makes madness so fascinating is the perspective it offers. Sane people assume that they perceive the world just like their sane friends; the mad perceive the world differently from the sane. Sometimes, the perception of the madman is more appealing.

Now, I’m not mad. Just ask most of my (imaginary) friends, they’ll tell you. I don’t think I’m the King of Spain, my nose is happily attached to my face, and I don’t suspect that everyone is trying to eat me. But every now and then, I see things differently from most people, and I’d like to share some of those perspectives.

I never kept a diary when I was little except for summer journal assignments, and I normally ended up fabricating those entries anyway. I never felt the need to tell myself what I did. I’m not addressing myself in these entries; I already know what I think, and I spend half of my days chuckling to myself at the absurdities I think of. What you’re reading is meant for you. Drop by every few days or so to see if I’ve thought of anything interesting, read anything interesting, done interesting things, or in times of hardness, if I’ve stolen someone else’s interesting ideas. But if you’re looking to find out my deepest secrets here, good luck, but you’re mad.