Confusion

A few days ago, I was eating my morning grape nuts and preparing for social interaction by watching Saved by the Bell (most of what I learned about people, I learned from reruns of that show. Add in the fact that the other show I learned from was Johnny Bravo, and you will understand a lot about me). At some point in those 23 minutes of brilliance, Zack was told to non-verbally express interest in a girl. The girl expressed her disinterest, also non-verbally. "Hah!" I thought to myself, "I could do a better job expressing myself non-verbally! I hope one day I get the opportunity!"

As luck would have it, I was riding a bus today and got just such a chance. I sat down and leaned my head back for my normal commute nap. Strangely enough, my head hit the headrest and kept going. Not far, but rather than the good, firm-sponge-like feeling I was expecting, there was a little wiggle. I turned around and grabbed the headrest to see what was the matter, only to have the thing come off and be left holding it confusedly! For a good ten seconds, I looked at it helplessly, hoping some caring parental figure would take me by my free hand and explain all that was wrong in the world, starting with the headrest and ending with the BP oil spill, and perhaps why 7-11 sometimes didn't have working slurpee machines. You know, important things. Instead, nothing happened, and I was just left there, confused.

It was at that point that I realized that the one non-verbal expression I have mastered is confusion. So, for those of you looking to master this expression, I offer you a few examples of me expressing confusion non-verbally. Enjoy!

I have no idea how to use these.

Confusion plus distrust is often a good combination.

What is this, and why does it sound like it's my mom?

Honestly, what's the use of a finger-charrer?

I don't even know what this is. I'll go ask my mom.

Shoot, I can't think of anything useful to do with this.